Holiday drama

Why is it that people tend to be so emotional during Christmas season?

I don't understand why most of the people I know are so dramatic this past few days. Its as if we are not ourselves. Of course, this doesn't include those people who one or another currently experiencing hardships may it be personal or professional matter, but this is to those, without any reason at all, feel something - an emotion that we cannot understand.

Surely, as an adult, I believe Christmas imparts a different meaning to us. But does that mean that we have to embrace whatever substance Christmas injects us?

Hay... lilipas din yan.

A love torn between life and death

I had a brief chat with a friend this morning. She updated me of what happend last night when all of our friends paid their last visit to our dear boss jicky. I will not put everything into details, but I wanted to share these words from the person whose life is about to end to his loving wife.

friend (¤W¤È 11:23:42): sabi daw sa kanya ni boss jicky...ngayon pa ba naman tayo mag iiyakan
friend (¤W¤È 11:24:07): parang sabi e wag nila aksayahin yung natitirang sandali ng buhay nya.
friend (¤W¤È 11:24:20): ayun pati kami naiiyak na rin
friend (¤W¤È 11:24:44): ask pa nga daw ni ms gina sa kanya kung anong gusto nya gift sa xmas
friend (¤W¤È 11:25:05): sabi ni boss jicky e basta wag lang daw syang magsasawang alagaan sya

Remembering back:

Boss Jicky was in his 40s whose younger life was mostly spent as a single. More than 4 years, he met Gina, a DBP IT personnel. By that time, I was not still working in the company where he was still attending for almost a decade now (if he still here). We don't know if he's feeling something special towards Gina at those time. Being secretive as he is (mostly silent - Libran characteristic), we have no any idea whats on his mind.

I started working in that same company in August of 1999. Its the year I met this man - so kind, silent, intelligent, courageous but when he cracks jokes, everyone can't help but laugh by his funny but witty jokes. You see, he is not really a "boss" because he has no managerial position in that company. But since I was still very young then ( 20), we fondly call him boss jicky or boss jick - out of respect to such respectable man.

He is not perfect. Nobody is. Even before we met him, he's addicted to cigarette and well, like to take hard drinks to complement the joy this two combination brings - a bad combination which eventually took his life.

As our project in DBP keeps moving , our friend Arnel, keep on teasing Boss Jicky and Gina. This was around early 2000 or late 1999. Since Gina is not in a younger age anymore, our friend, well most of us, think they are perfect for each other. The conflict here was that, Gina was engaged to be married to a different man. Boss Jicky maybe saw this situation that is why he did not pursue and give in to the teasings. But God made a difference - Gina ended her relationship ( for more than a couple of years) to the other man and eventually fall under the spell of L-O-V-E boss Jick offered when he saw that the road to his happiness is now an open highway. I was in HongKong for another project when this happened. They did not wait so much and decided to get married after a couple of months of being a boyfriend-girlfriend.

They were blessed with a very cute boy after that - the 5th of their family.

A test from God came along not until recently. We, his friends and himself are living our own significant lives not until I went home to the Philippines last November. I learned the news from a friend that boss Jick is sick - he has TB. That was what we all know. All along, his family knew it was cancer and that he has only 12 weeks to live. At first, they did not inform him what was going on. A secret which Gina could not hold on to it anymore and break out this terrifying news. How hard was it to tell to the one you love the most that he/she is about to leave you for good?

So, the conversation above took place.

They had such a short life together - barely 3 years. That is why maybe boss jicky tell Gina not to cry anymore and just try to live as happy as they can be until God finally take his life. It is also so inspiring to know that these two people love each other so deeply. A love which will live forever. A sacrificing love. An unselfish love.

Surely, boss jicky is now happier wherever he is. Well maybe, maybe it is for the best - for him up there so that he can see his wife specially his own son grow. And that through it, he will be able to guide him as he face this troubled world - until they meet again.

Perfect World

Things's changing, evolving - a fact we have no control of.

Im a guy of 25 years - I have a quite normal life. I have a loving parents and siblings, I have a job that well, pays somewhat enough (for the time being) to materialize my materialistic urges, I have caring and kind friends, traveled different cities in Asia - I mean, I am living the way I wanted, I have a full control of what I do and to what I think.

Then when you think that you have the perfect life, you realize its not. For few years, I never thought that many things won't happen to my life. I was contented living on my own perfect world. But things have change. My "perfect" life is vanishing bit by bit. The life I immortalized in my mind has changed into reality - that life's full of love and hate, war and peace, that you will not get all the things you've dreamed of, that things doesn't always fall into place the way we perceived it, and that people come and go - a realization that you are still in fact in this earth.

Just this year alone, I lost two people whom I cared about - my aunt and a friend of mine, two of my friends got married, another friend will tie the knot comes January. A friend of mine finally have a baby and was christened a few weeks back, other friends are now living a life and I got a new neice through my cousin. Then it hit me. How about me?

Since I've created a world of my own, I think I'm stuck in my own. I can't move on. I am trying but I am having a hard time adjusting to it - because I never thought things like these would never come in my life.

I have this feeling maybe because I felt I was left out. It seems people I know are living life the way life should be. And because of that, I know they are happy. And I am not? Maybe yes maybe not because I feel that there is something missing.. I am confuse with all the things that struck my life in my own perfect world - my unreal world which I think will collapse eventually.

Farewell, my friend

My former officemate, whom of course a friend of mine just passed away today. As I am currently abroad, my other friend just sent me a text message informing me of what happened.

Sadness - that's what I'm feeling now. Not only for myself because of losing such kind person as he is, but because of what he left - his family, his wife and his very young son . As his wife is also a friend of mine, I really feel so sorry that God took him that fast.

Since the day I knew that he was sick, he was always part of my prayers. I am not blaming God. He answered my prayer. Yes, He did. Not the way I wanted though but I know that his answer to my prayers was something that has a reason. I know that people who love him are badly hurt by what happened- I know that. But God always has reasons why things happened. We may not know it now but we will - unknowingly as days passs by.

He was a mentor and a friend. I will surely miss him.

Farewell, boss Jicky.

Facade

Is christinity just a mere facade?

When attending mass, are we really into it? Or we are just trying to show off our new clothes, our fashion statements? When I'm abroad, when I attend a mass where most Filipinos attend to, I notice that guys treat the church where they can find someone for a romantic fling. Well no offense meant but women do these things as well.

Given the fact that we are a christian nation who believe in God, how come our country is not moving forward? Did we even prayed to God even just once, to help our country towards prosperity? Or we are busy talking to Him asking for any possible things we can imagine for our ownself? Come to think of it, if we as nation pray to Him and ask him simple things for our country, would you think He will not answer our plea? I believe that God answers our prayers not the way we want them to be asnwered but, answers in his own will and in his own way, but it matters if we give our share, right?

Do you notice what people do before the "peace be with you" segment of the mass? Try to notice it but they would busy themselves trying to remove any impurities (if there any) on their faces, fixing one's hair, or putting their clothes into its proper places before facing other people attending the mass. Such vanity, worse, done inside the church, Way to go!

Ask a person what was the homily all about and others give you a blank face. Why is that? Because we too are busy explaining what happened to other people's live to our own sets of audience.

I am not saying I am not guilty. I am aware that sometimes I don't behave properly when Im attending a mass - try thinking about sex while the mass is on-going. But the mere fact that I know that these things are happening, and that I am aware of it, its a good start. A start to change for the better.


Advance Happy Birthday, Jesus.

Reality bites

Sabi ko, siya na kaya?
Sabi ng puso ko sya na.
Pero nalaman ko me iba na pala siya
Masakit, pero kailangang magparaya


Corny. Pero sad.

when you know

But how do you know? I always asked this to myself. How do you know if he/she is the right person for you? My friend said,

"ligawan mo muna para mas makilala mo... pag naging kayo na, in the process malalaman mo kung sya ang soulmate mo. at hindi yun nalalaman overnight. time and circumstances will lead you to your soulmate. basta mararamdaman mo yun, promise!!! ".

Ganun nga ba yun?

You Don't Need Anyone Else, You Only Need Your Family

Last Sunday, I went to Taoyuen and Chungli (both on the southern part of Taiwan) to meet my sister Lyn who is also currently working in this country (she actually just came back and she's been working in this country for more than 5 years). As I noticed, there are more Filipinos in those areas rather than here in Taipei. As I am deeply appalled with the reality Filipinos are facing now, not to mention the hardships, may it be financially or work related we Filipinos are facing each day, I came to realize one thing: I am one lucky man. Why? Let me tell you why.

I cannot consider our family as middle class. We are not rich, we are not poor neither. We are from up north. My father who was once a seaman, retired to focus more on being a farmer. My mother, who helps my father to raise the family, owns a sari-sari store. Nevertheless, my parents worked (even now) so hard in order for me and my siblings, the four of us, to finish a degree. And because of that, I love them even more. In my family, both on the mother and father side, it is seldom that all of the children finishes a degree (financially might be the main reason but maybe its one's choice). And I am very thankful that my parents did all their best to send us to college.

My oldest brother, who took his college degree in Manila, is now a radio announcer/reporter/commentator in the local radio station in our province. My oldest sister Joan, a writer at heart, now works as a nurse in Oslo, Norway. My sister Lyn, an Economy graduate, as I mentioned, still works here in Taiwan. And me, a graduate of BS in Computer and Information Science now work as an IT consultant/programmer.

I've been to few countries already. I've visited Hong Kong, Thailand, some parts of China; I've been to Macau and recently, here in Taiwan. For sure Hong Kong has a special spot in my heart because it's the first ever country I visited outside my home country. But as I reflect more, Taiwan earned the biggest special spot in my heart. For one, I've been here in this country for more than a year and half working in one of our clients here, and second, because of this reason: My two sisters worked here to help my parents financially, to send me to college.

Because of that, I have a better life here compared to our fellow Filipinos who are working here, well, even compared to my sister Lyn's. Actually, that thought strike me the most. I've been living in this country where I manage my own time, I can eat wherever I want, I can shop/buy my needs more so, my wants and I experience things which I think ordinary Filipino workers here can't afford.

My sister Joan was the first one who set foot in Taiwan soil. I was still a high school student then. I believed she sacrificed her first love…her love in writing, for a surefire career that would give her and our family a better life - financially, that is. But of course, she waited for a long time to reach what and where she is now today. She worked in several hospitals in Manila and in our province but the paycheck is not good. An opportunity was given to her to work abroad - here in Taiwan. She was the first in our family to let me and our family appreciates Giordano or Hangten brand names and to taste a “padala” we can call our own (we have other relatives all over the world).

My sister Lyn, worked in factories ever since. She continued my sister Joan's journey as she settles back in the Philippines after six years of stay here. I was in my early days in college then so our family needed a back-up. I know her hardships, how physically demanding her work is. But she survived. That's why she is back.

One might interpret that our family are broke and in desperate need of money. I think we are in some point. But my family own lands and other properties back home. Nevertheless, I cannot consider our family to be rich because in my province, it is just normal to own lands for farming use.

My two sisters sacrificed one way or another, but I believed they took it as stepping ground. Our family needs all the help it can get and my sisters were willing to give a hand. And I believe that's what family is all about.

Thus, the likes of my sisters earn my respect and gratitude. It also goes to show how fate brought us in this country. A place where will always be a part of our life.

Something's Gotta Give

Last night, I watched this movie again for the nth time and boy, this film doesn't ceased to make me laugh. The film was intelligently done, the dialogues were great and Jack Nicholson and Dianne Keaton had such a good rapport together. You see, I seldom watched movies which stars are "old" but this is an exception.

Well, this post is not a review of the film but rather a personal take driven from one of the issues brought on the film.

The big question is: "Can a guy and girl remain friends after having sex?

This catches my attention not because I am in the situation (duh, I wish! hehehe) but it made me think if it's possible.

You may say it's possible if it's just a "casual sex". But that violates the whole context of "friendship". And how does one define friendship? Or how does a friend suppose to treat a friend? Does friendship involves physical or even sexual favors? Really, this issue is such a big thing that I don't even know what to think. What if both parties were beforehand attracted to each other? Of course, that would lead the friendship to more deeper relationship, which is great, right? But what if both parties are not? Say I have a friend for a long time, because of the urge of the current situation, we did it. But no "love" binds between us ( I mean love for friends and love for a someone special are totally different, right?). What will happen next? Of course, awkwardness would be our first response. Yes, we can talk about it. Maybe conclude a solution to JUST LET IT PASS AND KEEP IT WITHIN OURSELVES, but what would happen to the friendship that we had?Are we going to remain as friends as before?

Does sex and friendship can come together?

World's Tallest Building - Taipei 101

Last night, I'm on my way to my "temporary" home here in Taipei City, Taiwan, I noticed that the current world's tallest building (also tagged as the world's tallest and strongest building ) is in its prime beauty. Ive been here in Taipei for about a year and a half now and I didn't saw this building as bright and as alive as last night. Since the building is just a walking distance from where I live, once I got to my apartment, I brought my camera with me and took some pictures.

Well, Im glad that Im one of the first people who saw how this building developed. I know one day this building will be famous. Oh well, given the fact that its already known to the world to be the current tallest building, its famous already.

As the building is not yet open to the public ( although the 101 mall is already open since october of last year), the only question now is when will I climb its rooftop? I'll just wait and see.

Is it too late?

I can sing. I know that for a fact. Melodies sometimes keep flowing but end up losing it because I don't know how to put them in music tabs. The reason? I can't play any damn instrument.

I always wanted to learn how to play a guitar or a piano. I've tried playing the guitar before and in couple of hours, I was able to play "Leaving on a jet plane". I know that that song is not that complicated to learn but what the hell, though it did not sounded perfectly, I was able to do it, Also, I remember that I once had a small electric organ when I was younger, but my skills were never honed.

As a child I remember that:

1. Although my family loves to sing, love listening to music, no one knows how to play any instrument.

2. None from my family encouraged me to polish my skills in playing.
Maybe because of these reasons:
(a) No one knows how to play
(b) We have no extra money for me to enroll
(c) Maybe I/we thought that I'm better off as a singer

3. We, specially my parents, are too busy earning money for more important things

I just wish I had at least one instrument that I can play. Definitely, I can buy any instrument I want now, I can enroll to any school and my family is now financially okay. At 25, I hope it’s not yet too late.

Or is it?

Loner?

The book im currently reading says to be happy, one must express or say what they want. I did that today and I end up taking lunch -ALONE. Was it bad? Yes but definitely NO. Yes maybe because just the thought of one having lunch by oneself, no one to talk to and sometimes being paranoid that you might be the topic over lunch.. who cares? I did what I wanted to do, I ate the food I wanted to have and it made me feel better. Being alone sometimes does not contruct any negative connotation on one's part. It helps most of the times. You got to do what you want and I believe that is what's important.

Random Thoughts

I recently tried to collect and save some thoughts popping out of my head related to work, life, etc., and I decided to post it here.

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July 29, 2004

- We are proud yet ashamed to be Filipino.

- Why don't we use simple “Magandang umaga” instead of Good morning every time we see our officemates in the hallways? Or “Salamat” instead of “Thank You” when we are grateful?

- Why those educational institutions abroad are offering languages such as Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, etc, in their Foreign Language subjects BUT NO Filipino?

- Why is it that when we are abroad, we are overly trying to learn how to say some of the common expressions but never bother knowing what is “Salamat” in Ilocano?

- Why do we treat fellow Filipinos like some sort of stupid who are not grammatically correct in writing mostly in speaking and we find it amusing for Chinese or Japanese?

- Why are we so amazed (or annoyed for some reason) when we hear Filipino speaks English fluently with the proper diction and all but find it weird when we are in “Balagtasan” contests or tease people who talks “malalalim na tagalog” ?

August 5, 2004

- Things come and go when you least expect it
- If our destiny has been laid out, does it mean that even we do nothing, things will fall into place as planned?

August 6, 2004

- Receiving praises and kind words from clients are more rewarding than received it from your boss for a job well done.

- Observe things even though you are not concerned. It doesn't mean you are meddling into things but it's one way for us to prepare what to do when the time comes that we are in the same position (thought from a colleague's advice)

October 12, 2004

Regine Velasquez's song “Hold On To Your Dreams” made me think:

“The song is so inspiring not only for aspiring singers but for each and everyone of us who once or twice fell, but kept our faith and believed that we all can make it happen as long as we hold on.

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