Have You Ever

Have you ever wondered what your life is for?
Have you ever ask yourself "until when do i have to endure?"
Thinking the loneliness keeps going strong
Knowing that the emptyness inside you keeps moving on..

Have you ever wondered that no one even loves you?
Not even someone whom you can say hello to?
Have you ever wondered no one is thinking about you?
Not even one, not even you?

Have you ever thought that you don't have someone
Not even one whom you can call "a friend of mine?"
Have you ever thought that you will live alone
No one by your side, stucked on your own.

Have you ever felt that you don't belong?
Have you ever believed no one is concerned?
Have you ever considered being ashamed of yourself?
Have you ever asked God "why do i have to suffer?"

As the D'Sound song goes .." I am the one trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on", have you ever get tired of being always the nice guy? When you know people around you see you as someone who is but, aware that there are evilness in you wanting to explode?

I am so tired of being nice.

I've always wanted to try things which are beyond the whole "being good" concept I made and adapted from etiquette-hungry socio-homosapiens. That way, maybe this life of mine could be less monotonous.

Hah! How sick could i get?

Kiss My A**

Damn!

Don't you just hate when you have a strong feeling that people are talking against you behind your back(literally and not) and you can't do something about it because you cannot undestand their language?

Much more, your colleague whose race is the same as those shitheads seems enjoying and doesn't even defend you?

It is not my fault that their dumbass employee cannot do anything without our supervision. He was given the responsibility so he should make sure that he knows what he is doing.

It is not my fault that you see me as someone who is not.

To hell with them!!

I was currently debugging a program and suddenly, a thought came to mind...

I am attracted to girls who are petite with fair skin complexion , almond shape eyes and red pouty lips.

Darn! That's why I can't solve this bug. My mind's anywhere.

I am back here in Taipei. Back to work. I arrived yesterday via EVA airways. As expected, seems like I never really had a vacation.

I'll narrate what transpired on my vakay.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

On the day of my arrival, I met with some of my previous officemates. Not all of the people invited was able to make it though. Some had something came up, others really never bother at all and other personal reasons which I don't care in the first place. We are about 10 I think. The gathering did not went through as I expected. Same old people. Same old drama. From the group, there were only 4 of us who are still single although the two are already attached. I was again asked if I had a girlfriend already (for the nth time). As embarrassed as I am, I just smile and said "None". Come on, I want to have one but I can't fall in love with someone who I haven't met yet. I am pressured with myself already and additional outside anxiety will not help me.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Stayed home. Watched DVD. Missed sunday mass.

Monday, March 14, 2005

This day is a busy day for me. I had number of tasks saved on my PDA cum cellphone. Good thing is that I was able to accomplish all of them except for applying for international roaming which I forgot to list for the nth time. Bummer!

I went to the office. I saw her. She is quite happy. I still feel jittery though not that much. Of course she doesn't know. As the song goes " I am just a friend, that's all I ever been, 'cause you don't know me". She is in fact the first girl I ever liked.

I was surprise to learn that I had an increase contrary to the previous post I made. I learned that since there are many employee looking for a new job outside and that there are many who have resigned, they decided to have a portioning of the salary of the those who have left the company. I had more than 10% increase. Not bad at all. As of this writing, my salary and all of the retroactive pays has been credited to my payroll account. And I need to decide what to do with all the money on that account. Hehe.

One of the boss offered me an insurance. I am planning to get a pension plan. But let's see.

Looks like one of my officemate who just left Taiwan for good is coming back by the end of this month. His lady friend gave him a round trip ticket to Taiwan for him to attend the house blessing of his taiwanese lady friend. What a lucky guy, right?

Oh, and I had a new haircut and a new hair color. I was quite sad because it took me months to grow my hair that long. But more often I think of cutting it short and I suffice it last monday. I just hoped the hairdresser left my hair a bit longer. But hey, I think my hair now is not bad at
all. Good thing my hair grows very fast.

March 15, 2005

Travel back to Taipei. Arrived in my apartment at around 5PM, watched DVDs and sleep.

Today, March 16, 2005

I had a long chat with a friend who is in Las Vegas. We talked anything under the sun. She is really intelligent and I need those kind of conversations. Its just so nice that after how many years of not seeing each other we still remained friends and I hope it will always will.

I will be flying (again) this coming saturday, March 12 . I will have a very short vacation (?) in the Philippines. I will be back here in Taipei on March 15.

My resident visa already expired and my current visa is a 30 days-multiple entry. Meaning, I am only allowed to stay in Taiwan soil for 30 days and have to exit after that. Though I can always go back with no questions ask.

Anyway, So I have the whole Sunday and Monday to spend - though I don't know how will I use it. Maybe I will call my former officemates/friends and hang out. Its been a while since we saw each other.

I just learned from a friend of mine that my cousin Joey will graduate from college (at long last!) this coming March 14, so I am looking forward to that. (03-11-05: Learned from my mother that it will on April 14)

I will not be able to visit my parents in Ilocos since I only have a very limited period of stay. The travel hours will just eat most of my time.

Regine will be having a concert the night of my arrival in Manila but I am not sure if I will be able to catch it. If someone will ask me to go, then probabaly I'll accept it. Maybe I will limit myself watching concerts alone to avoid self-pitying. Not a bad idea, eh?

The answer to "what measures you?" ?

After I finished writing my post entittled "What measures you", I fixated my thoughts (and belief for that matter) that money is not the answer to our happiness.

A couple of days after that, as I was channel surfing (read: almost all channels here are in chinese) and then I stopped in CNN. The current programme is Talk Asia. They were interviewing this guy whose name is japanese but can converse very well in english. They were talking how he became rich and the things his poor dad and rich dad thought him. I already heard about this book and I was surprise that this guy is the autor of the book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad".

They continue with the conversation and in one instance the author said that there are people who are claiming that money cannot make them happy..Ouch! As he continue, he said that such people whose claiming such are the one who might be the unhappiest people in the world. He said, if money cannot make you happy, then why saving your money in the bank and keep on saving to make it grow? - because in reality, it makes us happy.

(Sigh). Point consider.

But then again, I was like what the heck?! Am I such a lonely person by merely thinking that money cannot make me happy? I said, it will not make me a hundred percent happy and I believe that is still the truth.